Kites

Kites
You do not have to be a psychotic student of rocket science to deduce that Kites is all set to bomb. In fact, it bombed the day its posters released. Oh really, I mean that! Take a look at them: You see Hrithik Roshan walking in the desert like a thakela* aadmi**, you see Barbara - well, not in the mori*** - but against the sky looking nowhere in particular. And yes, you see one big dazzling spot of light behind Hritik and that's supposed to be the thirsty Mexican Sun. That description sounds boring no? But then that's what the production is: Spectacularly boring. To make matters even clearer, the trailers turned up - complete with Barbara semi-naked in the Mexican desert, trying hard to cover her naked ignorance of facial expressions and Hrithik Roshan showing off an accent and - of course - his dancing skills. Evidently, that fellow just can not believe his luck that he is born Indian. He's been peddling himself off as some Greek guy from the Mediterranean region with so much aggression, I have a hard time believing his luck is so damn rotten. Anyway, the trailers came and went and all they did was cause men to slip on the drool that flowed out of their mouths; courtesy Moriji. The action scenes looked so blah, Bond's martini must have hardly been shaken, forget stirred. But even then no one in the production team bothered to sit up and do some damage control. "Well," they said to themselves, "We have the Roshans, we have the naked babe, we have so much money, we have two versions of the movie - one for the dumb and one for the dumber - it's a recipe that will make millions!" Sigh! Indians! Reliance! And their stupid ways of making movies! They never never learn. I'll be surprised if Kites even recovers production costs. The manner in which they have splashed money and prints all over USA, it's as if someone in the US branch of marketing knows what a colossal mess this is and is trying hard to get some, if not all, in that country to watch this Indo-Mexican cockatoo of a tail. As for India, the verdict is in. Yes, Hrithik can dance - no denying that. Yes, Barbara Mori is Playboy material - no denying that either. And yes, Anurag Basu has used all the tricks in his book to make a sadela**** thakela 18th century plot look appealing. But no, we have seen it all (Yawn!), seen better (Yawn Yawn!), and yes! We aren't that dumb to not fall asleep!*thakela = sad, tired (Hindi); **aadmi = man (Hindi); ***mori = bathroom (Marathi); ****sadela = rotten (Hindi)